Why did I decide to Adopt ? and that Adoption was the right path for me.
This is something I‘d thought about for a while. I had often said that if I got to 45 and hadn’t met a partner , a family is something I like to consider in whatever shape or form I could ….
In early 2018 I had some friends getting married abroad, I spent 5 weeks on a trip to Australasia . I’d visited there a few times before. And it was amazing to have such a nice long clear holiday , not being a tourist and generally relaxing and contemplating life.
In fact I’d visited Australia back in 2006 after leaving my full time job to be self employed with the view of looking to go out and work , whilst on the trip I decided that I didn’t want to move but that actually if I came back and worked hard every year I could spend 6 ish weeks or more a year traveling. Of course the reality of going home starting a new business and building that meant I didn’t really achieve that for a while.
Whilst I had an amazing time on holiday, I think part of me was wandering that whilst it was an amazing experience – finding a travel partner had been hard, not everyone can take a 6 week gap or has the funds to be able to do it. Did I really want to travel alone everytime I took a holiday ?
So I came back thinking that whilst it had been amazing , I’d worked super hard all year and been able to take an amazing break … Did I really want to do that for the next 15 /20 years. Whilst on one hand the answer was ok , yes … the other more dominant answer lead me to think there was something missing from my life.
I remember reflecting and thinking what if I died tomorrow what would be my biggest regret … and there it was not having children .So I came back thinking its something I really had to pursue.
Maybe this will be another blog , but I’d become very disillusioned with Modern dating. Mostly via apps. Seemingly ploughing so much energy and time into something with little or no reward! Also Meeting people as an adult is super hard! ( maybe also another blog hahah ) The type of people I was coming across didn’t seem to fit where I was in my life etc etc.
After the break up of my last relationship , it took me a while to get back on my feet, and a lot changed in me . I went from being quite outgoing to be much more introverted. I didn’t really enjoy going out like I once did , didn’t really enjoy large groups and so on .
Tried Meet up groups , again not much success here either.
So then where do you go !
I’m a hard working guy , a lot of my focus is on my work . I don’t have a normal job , my job involves a lot of odd hours, travels, days of prep before actual work , work to do at home after a days work and so on . I think for your average worker this is hard to comprehend. Oh your not working today but you can’t just sit around doing nothing.
Again this lead me to think that I should channel my energy and the time I did have into something more rewarding. I could wait years to meet a partner, the last thing we’d want to do if it was a new partner is adopt straight away , and also with a new relationship we wouldn’t be able to apply .
So that then puts me at probably being 50 before We look at it again , and that’s if I met someone right this second. So that set me thinking …. ‘ in hindsight I now believe that if I go on this journey maybe I’ll meet someone who’s more in tune with where I am in my life right now anyway … however thats not for right now ‘
A few other things pushed me forward … in a nutshell
There was a conversation with a friend , I was saying I wanted to adopt and was considering it when I was 45 ; their response was life’s too short why not do it now if you want to do it .
There was a friends birthday party ( currently adopters already ) the room was filled with adoptive families, a few conversations that night pushed me on too . They had just made things more realistic.
I told a few friends about my thoughts , they all seems so supportive saying how I really should do it . No one was saying it was a bad idea.
The more people I told it became clear I do have a really good support network around me ‘right now ‘ most with children of a young age and also some friends who are just ahead of me in the process, so if there’s a time this could work … now might be it ..
One of my biggest problems being self employed is going to be adoption leave . I basically have to fund it myself! It doesn’t seem fair, maybe someone has a counter argument for this … Anyway obviously that involves saving a significant portion of money to cover my time off. I did consider that this money would be enough to pay for surrogacy … Again another thought process I had to go through . For me Adoption had always been my first thought when it came to Children , being able to give an opportunity to a little person who needed someone to support them . The many pitfalls of Surrogacy put me off, but Adoption had always been my prime thought.
Ultimately I decided that Adoption was the way forward I’ve been fully happy with the thought of adoption throughout , there’s so many kids that need a chance, support , love and a forever home … Helping one of them is going to mean more than attempting to bring a new child into the world.
So there we have it …. decision was made.
I made contact with a couple of agencies, I think 4 in total but ultimately visited 2 I felt would be best for open days. One was independent and one was a County council .
Ultimately after the open events I chose to go with the independent as they seemed to have a slightly better set up . Not that the CC one had anything wrong with it.
Then in October 2018 I made a formal application for stage 1 of the process.
My own time line meant that I didn’t really want anything to happen until 2020 – this was for a number of reasons , personal and financial .
But I decided to get stage 1 under way , get it done take a break , do stage 2 and hopefully put me clearing panel late 2019 early 2020 to then start looking for matches.
That time line hasn’t been quite as structured as that again due to some uncontrollable factors. But essentially now I’m onto stage 2 almost about the time I thought I would be so actually that time line has come back into play. I have a panel date in November 2019.
So there we have it that’s where I am now . Why Adoption ? because it feels like nows the time It will and can work!